Disclaimer: This section has been written for a male audience and to serve the needs of our male readers.
It contains information that some (female readers) might find disrespectful. It is by your own choice that you have arrived here.
Over time, I received questions from members about how to deal with working girls (massage girls, freelancers, sideline girls and so on). Some guys were desperate and got into trouble at a shop, with girls reading to smash their head in. At the same time, I got feedback from Thai places-of-ill-resort and especially from the girls working in massage shops. Where it often goes wrong is due to cultural factors. By adhering to a certain etiquette and standards, your experience and what you want to achieve are likely to be much smoother.
The Beast is you. You want to get a better experience with the girl you're seeing. Now you can do it in a farang way, but then you're likely to bump into some troubles. Or you can try to understand how your Beauty feels and thinks, and make that work for you.
Every Thai girl in the sex industry is in that industry because it's the easiest way for her to earn more money. If she had enough money, she wouldn't be in that industry, she'd play with her phone all day and meet her friends and have snacks. Most likely, she's also not in that industry to find a boyfriend, but who knows, perhaps she is single perhaps not. Many working girls actually already have a Thai boyfriend and he even approves of her earning big money for the two of them.
So get rid of your illusions and see it for what it is: a transaction of money versus services, nothing more.
It's very common for foreigners to develop feelings for working girls, but try to see things for what they are and stop yourself from becoming the next suicide threat on Thaivisa.
Reversely, Thai working girls are also just human. Funny enough, they often tend to become jealous of their peers when you frequent the same business and don't take her again. The fact that you're just a customer doesn't count in their emotion, what matters to them is that you could have chosen her, but you didn't. While she was with many guys but she had no choice because she's working.
Just because she is a sex worker doesn't mean that you should look down on her. She's just doing their job.
So respecting a "working girl" is very important. Perhaps she needs the money for her study, for her parents, for her child or just to buy a designer bag, it doesn't matter, she's doing her job so treat her as an equal. If you really respect the girl as a person, she will sense that and in the end you'll get a better service than if you treat her like an untouchable.
Interestingly, in Thai society working girls are actually quite accepted, everybody needs to make a living in the end, and quite often a working girl will stop doing her thing and start a family as if nothing ever happened.
In general, in dealing with Thai people, not just with girls in the male entertainment industry, no matter what situation, it's best to blend in softly with their culture. This means: stay calm (jai yen ใจเย็น), be gentle and smooth, smile, be friendly and polite, even if you feel completely different.
Thai culture doesn't go well with direct confrontation and strong emotions, so a too blunt expression of your frustration generally doesn't work well, most likely it'll turn against you.
Better even than just being smooth is to take on the profile of a Gentleman, or if you're not, to just pretend to be. The "Gentleman concept" is understood by Thai, but there are very few of them amongst Thai themselves, just notice in traffic or going out or in a work situation how few men can be like that. The prototype Thai guy is chasing skirt, getting drunk, having affairs (giks กิ๊ก), and will make someone pregnant and then leave the mother alone. Surely, not all Thai guys are like that, but I wouldn't know many countries where such a large part of the male population is really like this.
Of course not all foreign men are a gentlemen, but there are some features about Western cultures that do attract Thai women and bring us closer to the concept of a true Gentleman. And a lot of Thai girls do have a stereotype in their mind, partly based on movies or what they hear, about foreign men.
What is a Gentleman in a working girl's mind? A guy who makes no trouble, is courteous and sweet to the girl, is generous, gives a tip and doesn't complain.
A GENTLEMAN MAKES NO TROUBLE, IS COURTEOUS AND SWEET, IS GENEROUS AND GIVES TIP AND DOESN'T COMPLAIN
So, what is not a Gentleman?
The closer you get to the concept of Gentleman, the better your name and reputation and the easier it will be eventually to get the girls do more for the same price.
Too many guys keep believing that there is such thing as a free lunch when it comes to working girls. Well, there isn't and you should be aware that this is a universal rule anyway: no money no honey.
If you enter the arena of working girls, you've got to reserve yourself a budget.
If you have a low budget, stick to dating and make yourself attractive to Thai girls. Or take a cheap girl from a Burmese brothel and do her for less than 800 baht in half an hour, but don't even dream of having an expensive Thai sideline girl. That is not a world for stingy men.
Sticking to a budget also helps you not to loose your mind when you're still in the early Thailand phases.
If you give a girl a present, just buy what you can afford to loose and don't expect anything back.
There are certain ways to do things in the Thai context and there are market prices for every type of service, even if they aren't written in black ink, so just follow them. Don't force your farang way on Thai and don't deviate too much from standard prices. You'll either pay too much or negotiate too much.
If a massage girl in Loikroh asks 2,000 baht for a HJ, just say thank you politely, offer 500 baht back and leave it there. Don't make a fuss. If you pay the 2,000 baht you're a fool. But if you try to negotiate the price to lower than 500 baht, you may not really get as good a service.
If a sideline wants 2,000 baht for 1 hour of sex in a love hotel, don't negotiate and just take it. That's her price, take it or leave it. By negotiating too much, you kind of don't respect her value.
I know a guy who claims to know Thailand very well, he's been here for more than 20 years. So when he hires a taxi for a day, he negotiates on the price. Then, at the end of the day, he pays the driver the originally asking price. That doesn't make sense. The guy was perhaps not that happy that the price went down so much from his asking price so he didn't want to give the best service, and at the end of the day there is a tip that brings the total price back up.
If you pay too much, you're a fool and you waste the market for the next foreigner. If you go down too much, the seller may not feel so respected and you may get less service. Just follow the standard.
The same is for what's included. If the girl doesn't want to give a bare blowjob or do anal, don't go out of your way to get it, just follow what's she's able to offer and be happy with it. If you're not, don't make a fuss and just move on to the next one.
In general, don't negotiate too much as the girl might not feel respected in her value, unless the price is way out of hack. If you do want to negotiate, do it a second time when you already have established some kind of connection with the girl, and do it smoothly, with a smile, kind of as a friend.
It's better not to bring the price down too much, but to try to get a bit more out of the service. The girl wants to earn money.
Some guys negotiate, then are not satisfied with the service and try not to pay what was negotiated on. That's when you risk getting your head smashed in.
In general, it's rather hard to give true and honest feedback to Thai people and business to help them to improve. There are a lot of cultural impediments that make a feedback mechanism inefficient, for example the issue of losing face, the aversion to being direct or confrontational, the respect you ought to have for age (even when older people are wrong), and the general lack of seriousness in Thai culture.
In the male entertainment industry, it's the same.
If you're dealing with a freelancer, you can try in a very soft and gentle way, more or less like suggesting. But if she can't take any advice, just forget it and move on to the next girl. Or wait until you're a bit more connected to her and then slowly open her up for more possibilities.
If you're dealing with a business, it very much depends on who's running it. If it's an old-style Thai business, chances are they aren't interested at all in customer feedback, you'll most likely get this lame maipenrai answer that either means they don't know how to deal with it, or they simply don't care. With a business, you could first try telling the PR or whoever is behind the counter that the service wasn't really according to your liking, or if you feel that the message won't reach a higher echelon, the manager or owner. Again, it very much depends on how open-minded and modern the business is, but it's a fairer way to try to gently suggest things to them rather than to try to slaughter the business with a 1 star Google review.
CM Locator has a feedback & comments policy that aims at striking the middleground between customers and shops, allowing customers to air their grief but also giving businesses a fair chance to improve. We are proud to say that because of that, some businesses in the male entertainment sector in Chiang Mai have actually really improved.
Just complaining usually doesn't have a real impact in Thailand, and if you resort a lot to it, you risk becoming a structural complainer as described in this article.
The Gentleman approach is to just pay the price that was agreed on, give soft suggestions, and move on.
Sure you can. Plenty of guys take bargirls out of the bar, but not all of them are able to take the "bar" out of the girl. That's why I wrote: she's in this job because that's the easiest way for her to earn more money. Even if she's got some money, perhaps it's not enough and she'll revert to her old ways. That's same same for massage girls or hookers, but perhaps different in a way that some are less used to foreigners and less sneaky than the typical Isaan English speaking bargirl.
That's not to say that you can't date a girl from the male entertainment industry and become a happy couple.
As a general rule, the shorter the girl works in this industry, the better. So if you like a girl who's in the massage industry just for a month, it's better than that she's jerked off hundreds of guys over the years. "Entertain" girls such as beer girls or PG's (Pretty Girls) working in a restaurant are probably a better catch than hardcore sidelines who stay whoring for years after their study.
Hunter
So far about the Beast.
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