DATING A FOREIGNER BY THAI LADIES - PART 5
After you have talked online to a foreigner for some time, maybe you feel comfortable enough to meet him. Now it's time to meet him. How to go on your first date?
Having a coffee during the day time is one of the most relaxed and non-committing ways to meet a foreigner you have never met before.
You can pick a coffee shop that you like and where you feel safe and even ask a friend to go with you.
If the conversation between you and him is not taking off, you can leave almost anytime, saying that you have another appointment.
This will be enough for a first impression, to reassure you that he is not a creep and to decide if you want to go on with him.
Having a dinner together is more of a commitment for both sides than having a coffee, however it can have the benefit of being more romantic. You could choose a nice restaurant and in the evening you can see the stars.
For some, it's more convenient because you can relax after work.
Also, enjoying food can a good way to actually do something together. If you have a coffee and both sides don't know what to say, there isn't much you can do to break the silence. With food, there is more to discuss and enjoy.
Although fun as an activity, this is not the best way to really know someone. It's just a way to meet shortly, sit next to each other without having to speak much, to catch a glimpse of someone and let the movie fill most of the time.
So unless you're going to have a drink after the movie or hang out together afterwards, going to a movie is just an excuse activity to get a first, short impression of someone.
If you work in a restaurant or hotel or something alike, you could tell your dating partner to come there just to say hi. The advantage of this is that no one needs to feel awkward, because you're in a safe place doing your work and to your colleagues he's just a friend or something.
Of course, you don't have much privacy this way and probably not much time, but at least it gives you a first real-life impression.
This doesn't really count as a first date, but just as a face-to-face, the real date still has to come, but at least the two of you may feel more comfortable.
Other ideas to meet your foreign dating partner could range from going to a big market, such as the Sunday or Saturday market or the temple or something. Markets are fun to walk around, safe and relaxed, but you should find places where it's more quiet.
Going to the temple on a first date is less good, the temple is a spiritual place, but some Thai and foreigners don't mind to meet there to do merit, especially if the foreigner has respect and understanding for Thai culture.
A concern for most Thai ladies is to feel safe when meeting a foreigner you have never met before. You can deal with this by selecting the right venue, the right place where you feel comfortable and safe. Any restaurant, coffeeshop or public place will usually do, especially if you know the place.
For this reason, it's good if you select the place. This will also make sure that you know how to find it.
To feel more safe and more comfortable, a lot of Thai girls feel they should bring a friend.
Should you do so?
If you feel very shy or very uncertain or unsafe, yes you can bring a friend, but better ask or tell your dating partner that in advance. It may not be a nice surprise to him when he suddenly sees you're not alone, when he expected to have a private and romantic evening with you.
If you want to make an impression on him and stand out from the crowd, however, you will be more 'cool' to the foreigner if you come alone. It shows that you are more independent, more daring, more open to a real connection with him, and different from other Thai girls.
Also, if you have a private conversation, the chemistry between you and him can develop much better than if you bring a friend. Bringing a friend will give him the impression you are very uncertain of yourself, and it will delay the real dating process.
Agree clearly about the time and place where to meet, nothing is more disturbing on a first date than waiting in vain at the wrong time and place.
After you settle the venue, don't cancel. A lot of foreigners hate it when you cancel, especially if you do so shortly before the time of meeting.
If you are not ready to meet him, just tell him, don't lie to save face only to cancel just before, it's allowed in Thai-style but it really puts off the foreigner. Don't use excuses to cancel or change an appointment, just be honest about the real reasons and you've got more chance that it's accepted and that your connection is undamaged. This is a major difference between western and Thai culture, and it can be the cause of much frustration on both sides.
It would be a shame to loosing his interest just because you canceled an appointment because you were not ready to meet him.
During the first meeting, it's important to keep the conversation going. Most of the time, the guy will make an effort to start up a conversation, but if all you say is ‘yes’ or ‘no’, the conversation will drop dead and he may feel bored.
Try to discover more about him by answering to his questions and by asking questions in return.
During your first date you may discover that the person in front of you is someone quite different from the person you were talking to online for such a long time. This is true for almost everyone, because digital contact only shows a few sides of someone’s personality, all the rest you don’t see.
For example, you may not like the way he smells, the way he eats or how he calls the waitress. There are many, many things about a person that determine whether you feel attracted to him. These things you don’t see when he’s being sweet with you online after a day of work.
So the first date is the first real moment for both of you to decide if you want to have something together. Take time for it, and after your date you will know.
The first impression of a person is very important. How you look, how you appear is already determined in the first few minutes of your meeting. Something to worry about? No, just relax and be yourself.
If you feel interested in him after the first date, you can continue to talk with him online and see him again for a next date.
Most guys can't wait to become intimate with a girl, that is: to have sex with her, and some guys even hope to have sex on a first date.
Most girls prefer to hold this off for a while, some even for months or until they eventually get married, but really, when is a good time to become intimate?
If you hold off for too long, the guy may loose interest and go for other girls, if you sleep with him on a first date you may be seen as a slut.
The right answer to this question is of course when you feel ready and comfortable with it. Sex is not a must in the beginning of a relationship, but at some stage your relationship needs to be consumed.
A good compromise or balance is to be open to intimacy after meeting him a few times, at least after the first date. When it actually happens then usually depends on the initiative of the guy.
People say 'all you need is love', but money issues can cause a lot of friction in dating or in a relationship. Money can work like oil in a machine: you need it to keep things smooth.
When a Thai lady is dating with a foreigner, most of the time the foreigner will bear most of the expenses. However, it depends. If you are dating a young guy from Europe, then he may focus more on equality in the relationship and then he will appreciate sharing some costs now and then.
If you are dating an older guy, most of the time he will pay most expenses you have together, and perhaps even more.
How you handle money with your lover depends on what kind of relationship you have and what your ideas are about the roles you have in such relationship.
During the online dating phase, it's better not to ask for money to support your expenses, as some guys are weary of being cheated. Some ladies ask the guy to pay for a ticket to come see him, that's about as far as you should go, if you need to.
When you're actually going on dates, normally the guy will treat you the coffee, drink or dinner, but again it depends on where he's from, how old he is, and what ideas he has about (equality in) a relationship.
If you want to stand out from the crowd, you will make a cool impression if you offer to pay your share when the bill comes. It will show him that you are an independent women and that you are proud of yourself, not just depending on another person or expecting too much. This will make a strong impression on younger guys, for older guys it will matter less.
Whatever way you and your dating partner have or work out to pay for expenses, it's important that money doesn't play a dominant role because it will shift energy away from what is important in your relationship: getting to know and understanding each other and fostering love.
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This information has been compiled and written by QpidConnections and is targeted at a Thai female audience.
Questions: ask qpidconnections@gmail.com
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