DATING A FOREIGNER BY THAI LADIES - PART 3
Dating or marrying a foreign partner may seem like a dream to many Thai girls, but not all foreigners are a real Mr. Perfect or a Prince-on-the-White-Horse.
How can you tell which foreigner may be good for you, which one matches you?
You may know foreigners from movies, often they are handsome, funny and successful in something. However, the foreigners you met in real life may be quite different: some are rude or irrespectful, others are stingy, some are smelly!
We all know the expression: farang-kee-nok (ฝรั่งขี้นก). That's probably not the type of farang you are looking for!
If you are looking for a foreigner, you can pay attention to the following sings to tell if he can be a good partner:
Although younger guys (up to say 40 years of age) have the benefit of age, being more energetic, more handsome and attractive, and more into our modern world, they are often immature and not able to really take care of a lady. Many of them engage in online dating to just flirt with girls or have sexual relationships, but they are not serious to have a relationship or to marry.
You may be better able to relate to younger guys or guys closer to your age, but then you may miss being taken care of on a deeper level.
Older men can't share everything of the modern age with us and are not of the same generation, but they are more mature, have more life experience, and are generally more patient. They have worked and made some career so they are financially more secure and can better provide for a lady. Also, they may understand the needs of a Thai woman better, so you may have less fights.
Some Thai women are happy with someone of their own age or not so much older, others find a match with a much older foreign man. The satisfaction you get from both age groups is different.
Check what job he has. Profession and job say a lot about a person. It can show if he is successful, if he can deal with responsibility, and even if he will meet a lot of other girls.
For example, a bank manager will be financially more secure and know how to deal with people than a computer programmer. Both can be good candidates, but they will have very different personality and experience.
If the guy says he is unemployed or ‘in between jobs’, that’s a warning sign, he still has to find himself so how can he find the right partner?
Thai culture is very different from cultures in the West, Japan or Korea, quite often foreign guys don’t understand us girls and what is important and respectful in Thailand. Some foreigners think all Thai girls are easily led into bed, that we are all bargirls, or they may look down on us.
Western culture is generally much more direct than Asian cultures, so some of the things he says you may feel it’s almost rude. But sometimes he doesn’t mean it in a bad way.
Other Asian cultures are closer to Thai culture but still there are differences. They may be much more male-dominant, for example, meaning that the lady has more of a submissive role.
What is important is that the guy always remains patient and understanding, this way you can overcome your cultural differences. You can explain to him what is respectful to a Thai lady, the importance of the family in Thai culture, and how he can show his love for you.
Farang often do not understand how important your family is to you, that you want your family to be well when you leave them for a relationship or marriage. This is not because they are impolite, but because in their culture and society it is not needed to take care of the family because normally the family is already financially secure because they have money or because the government provides for many benefits.
So if you tell them you will send some money to your parents to support them, he may be surprised, even think that you are taking advantage of him, but you can help him to understand Thai culture.
If the guy is polite and respectful, that’s a good sign. But if he starts talking about sex very fast, it’s a warning sign that he is not serious and mainly looking for that one thing.
It is not wrong to talk about this topic after you know each other for a while, but not in the beginning.
At the same time, you should know that in some foreign cultures it’s more common to talk a bit more explicitly about sex, and there are other reasons why guys like to discuss it.
Read more [link to page about this].
A good question to ask is how many times or how long he has stayed in Thailand before. If he stayed in Thailand for a long time or many times, maybe he has met many Thai women before. This can be a good sign and can be a bad sign.
It may mean that he knows better how to treat a Thai lady, but it can also mean that he has learned bad habits from others, while staying in Thailand.
The best candidates are those who have a deeper understanding and respect for Thai culture and which have not been spoiled by bad habits. Some guys manage to do that when they live in Thailand, but many pick up bad habits too.
Guys who are fresh from another country may still have respect and caution for Thai culture but they haven't been put to the test of temptation and exposure to what is wrong in Thailand.
Asking him what are his plans for the future is a good way to understand what kind of person he is. If he answers ‘I don’t know, we’ll see’, it means maybe he has no plans at all or maybe he’s not so serious and he's just looking around.
If he answers: 'I would like to build a relationship' or ‘I would like to have a family’, you’re probably talking to someone more serious who would like to plan for a future.
It’s not bad if there are no plans, but you can feel what kind of person he is and how serious he is with you. What you don’t want to be is his tour guide and toy girl for his Thai holiday.
In online dating you can meet all kinds of persons. Some of them are truthful, but some of them are lying. How to know if someone is lying?
Always keep a log of all the messages you get from him. Then, after a while, ask the same question again. For example, ask him again how many times he has been to Thailand, or ask his age again, but in a different way so that he doesn’t think that you are checking on him.
If at first he said he is 45 and a few months later he said he is 48, then obviously he is lying. This is a small lie, perhaps he just wants to look a bit younger in the beginning, but it is also possible that is he lying a lot and that he is talking to many ladies at the same time, so he will not remember exactly anymore what he said to whom.
If he lies about something big, then this is a clear warning sign and you should be on alert.
If you know another friend who is also dating online, you can ask her to contact the same guy and ask the same questions as you asked, then check if he answers truthfully.
On internet, you can meet all kinds of people and some are just out there to cheat on you and get money from you: scammers. Thai ladies are sincere and can easily believe what other people say. Be careful. Never ever send money to someone asking you for it. Some scammers pretend to send you a package with an expensive present, and then have you called by a fake customs officer asking that you pay transport or customs fees.
Also, never send naked pictures of yourself. On internet, it can easily be spread out and some companies are searching for such pictures to post on their websites.
You should also be wary for men offering to send you money very fast to help or support you. It can mean they guy thinks he can buy you or buy sex with money. He should not offer to support you too fast.
It is a good question to ask and a good thing to know why he is still single? What was his experience with previous relationships and why did they end? It will show you more about what kind of person he is.
Why did he contact you, what does he like about Thai ladies? Is it only because you are sexy and beautiful, or does he see more in you?
If he contacts you or answers you exactly according to what you put in your profile, maybe he is a sweet talker. But if he dares to say something unusual, maybe he is more genuine.
It is not important to have the perfect match of profiles, because it’s just basic information that 2 people have put into a computer. It is more important to feel and understand what kind of person he is and how he reacts to different circumstances in life. This will determine whether your relationship can be successful.
When you upload your profile, try to say a bit more than just the basic information. Some girls only write “Nothing” or “Want to find guy to take care of me”.
When you talk to him online, try to share more about your life, your personality, your likings, your dreams but also your daily problems. The more you share with him, the more you can exchange, the more you can get to know each other and learn about each other.
If you only ask him if he likes Thai food and tell him that you can make it, that’s not a big deal. Maybe he answers you ‘Yes, I like Tom Yam Goong’, but this doesn’t mean anything because almost all foreigners like Tom Yam Goong and almost all Thai girls can make Thai food.
But if you share with him joy and sorrows of the day, for example your boss gave you a hard time or your colleague was envious, or you wonder why farang think that dark skin is beautiful, you have a chance to see how he reacts and can emotionally support you, just like in a real relationship or marriage, and to understand each other. Only then, you can start to feel if you have a match.
So share more than just the basic information, but you don’t have to disclose very private information in your profile or in private online talks.
No matter how long you are talking to him online and no matter how many pictures you see of him, you will never really get to know him just by staying behind a computer screen. So do not make the mistake that you think you are really getting to know him by talking to him every day for months.
Staying online can only give you a first impression, nothing more. When you meet him in real life, you may be surprised that he looks very different from the pictures. Maybe the pictures that he uploaded were old, maybe they were photoshopped. Also, his behavior could be very different from what you thought it was. There may be things you don’t like but didn’t see online. The way he eats, the way he walks, the way he tries to hold your hand, the way he smells. All that you cannot see when you stay online. Truthfully, a good dinner date is worth more than 1 year of online dating, but before you are ready to meet him, of course you need to make yourself comfortable with seeing him in person.
Did this article inspire you or do you want to know more? Ask us for advice or share your comment on this page.
This information has been compiled and written by QpidConnections and is targeted at a Thai female audience.
Questions: ask qpidconnections@gmail.com
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